


I Like This Too

by casbean



Series: Out Loud [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asexuality Spectrum, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Coming Out, Demisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pride, lots of talking about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-07-28 13:15:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16242380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casbean/pseuds/casbean
Summary: Making the first step is one thing. But what about all the others?





	I Like This Too

"Mornin', angel."

"Good morning, Dean. Is this okay?"

Castiel's lips move against the nape of Dean's neck. His thighs are still trapped between Dean's own, his stomach pressed on Dean's lower back. His shirt has bunched up, burning a searing print on Dean's skin.

"Yeah. Very okay."

Dean's fingers search for Castiel's, slipping in between and squeezing. Cas' arms tighten around him.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, I did, actually." Dean lets out a short, surprised laughter. "You?"

"I don't sleep," Castiel reminds him. He nuzzles in the fine hair on the back of Dean's neck.

"So you just...?"

"I rested. It felt good."

"Yeah?" Dean turns to press his lips on Castiel's forehead. He shifts on his back, Cas' arms wrap around his chest. This bodies move to accommodate this new position. It's natural, fluent, despite the novelty.

"Yes. Very peaceful." Cas pecks his lips and then moves down to his shoulders again, gently nipping at his skin.

"S'gotta be boring, spending-" Dean stretches out his arm blindly grab his phone on the nightstand, the other one sinking in Castiel's bedhead. "Shit, ten hours, watching me sleep. Ten hours? Holy fuck."

Cas hums again and moves his attention to Dean's neck, which is easier to access now.

"Being with you is never boring," Cas simply says.

His fingers have now slid under Dean's shirt, tracing patterns on his skin, sliding further and further down.

Dean's eyebrows shoot up.

"You're in a mood this morning."

"Yes."

Dean chuckles.

"Seems like someone's starting to have physiological needs..."

Cas stops moving. "I..."

He frowns, head tucked between Dean's chin and shoulder.

"I didn't lie about that."

"I know, I just mean - you just hadn't had the Dean Winchester experience yet," Dean teases.

He slides his hand down, following the curve of Cas' spine.

"Last night was indeed very pleasant."

Dean's smile widens. His heart feels expanded, widened, by the fact that he gets this now. It’s in the smallest things. Like he can actually _look_ at Cas now. Not that he didn't before, but only from afar, and only in stolen moments, not even admitting to himself why he was staring.

But now. Now Cas is right here, inches from his lips, and he can gaze, gaze endlessly at him, at the galaxies contained in his eyes and the soft curls of his hair, at the pale plumpness of his lips and the way his smile looks like a sunrise. He can look, and look, and look, until he feels drunk with it.

And he can touch, too. Dean's fingers shimmer under the waistband of Castiel's boxers, teasing the curve of his ass. Places he hasn't gone to yet. Places he aches to explore.

"It doesn't change the fact that I'm not a... sexual being," Cas says a moment later. His lips are slick with saliva from the long kiss they've just shared, his eyes are darker, pupils widened and creating the illusion of a shine.

"Cas, your hand is on my dick."

Cas leans back and frowns down at Dean, his palm still pressed on his cock, heat damping through the fabric of his briefs.

"I know. I don't mean that I don't enjoy sex. Especially with you." He considers Dean for a moment, head tilted, and Dean can almost hear the gears working in his brain. "You can lower your hand and grab my ass. I think I will enjoy it," he adds, casually, like it's the most normal thing he say.

Dean does it, because he has nothing to say, and this is taking a weird turn, and he wants to feel Cas' ass in his hand. A small smile tugs at Cas' lip.

"Mm. Yes. I do enjoy that."

Castiel's cock, stiff and insistent, pushes against Dean's hip.

"Not sexual, really?"

"Not the way you are," Cas says, moving back down to lick and nip along his jaw. "I don't desire the same way. I don't need it like you do. Like humans do."

"Well, you're an angel," Dean muses, and Cas' body moves against is, on top of his.  

"Most angels actually do have _desire_ , and want sex in a very similar way to humans. At least, once they've discovered it. Not necessarily in a reproductive perspective, but they can crave it. I don't."

"Cas, not to burst your bubble, but kinda seems like you do." The angels' thighs have parted over Dean's hips, his weight pressing down on him, trapping both their erections against each other. Cas' mouth hovers over Dean's. "Unless I'm missing something here."

Castiel sighs and rolls his eyes, pulling away.

"It's different."

"How?"

"I - I _enjoy_ you. Because of my feelings for you, our intimacy is... it has meaning. The pleasure is powerful way beyond the physical. My desire to repeat the experience has little to do with sex itself."

Dean frowns. He feels like they're both saying the same thing, just -

"Lotta people prefer sex with people they like, Cas. Doesn't mean you're not sexual, or whatever."

"Except that for me, it isn't about sex. Maybe it will be, one day, maybe - I don't know yet. This is very new. And I don't understand everything about this part of myself yet. What I know is that I don't fantasize about sex the way you do. I don't feel that... pull, that physical need, towards other people, that you have. I've never looked at a human before and thought that I might want to have sex with them."

Suddenly Cas feels really heavy on Dean. Too heavy. Suffocating.

"Got it, you don't... want me, or desire me, or whatever. Got it. Got the message."

"It's not what I said."

"It kind of is."

"No, Dean." Castiel grabs Dean's face and forces Dean to look at him. "I find you so incredibly, endlessly beautiful. And I have longed to... touch you, and hold you, for every parcel of time since I first grabbed your soul in the pit of Hell." Dean tries to blink away, to evade Castiel's all too blue and angelic gaze, but he's pinned by it. "And I've wanted to be intimate with you for a very long time. To me it simply did not necessarily mean sex."

"I don't know what to say to that."

"It doesn't change anything."

"Kind of feel like it does."

Dean's heart is pounding wildly against his chest and Cas presses his hand on it. His other palm is still around his cheek and he leans over to kiss Dean's lips. It feels barely there. It feels forced. Everything feels forced now.

"Cas-"

"Nothing has changed. About how I feel about you."

"But last night, we - did you even want that?" Dean's voice sounds like a croak.

"Yes. And it was wonderful."

"I don't - Cas you're on top of me right now, with your - against my - telling me you don't want this. That you've never wanted me like this. But that you - you did it anyway, and you liked it, and that you'll do it again, but that you don't want-"

"It's not what I said. I said-"

"Cas-"

"Dean." Cas leans over, caressing Dean's face with both his hands now, following the path with his lips. "I want to be with you. Physically. Whether it's sexual or not, I want you. And last night was very agreeable, very pleasing, and I do want to repeat that positive experience."

Castiel kisses him, full and open, fingers knotting in Dean's hair, body arching against his.

"I'm so fucking confused here, Cas," Dean mumbles between their lips.

"I may not perceive nor desire sex the same way you do, but right now, at this moment, I would enjoy having sex with you again. Would that be something you would be interested in?"

"I - I mean, yeah, but-"

Dean's protests are interrupted by eager hands removing his boxers. His shirt follows, and before he can even retaliate Castiel's clothes are gone, disappeared into thin air.

"Cas-"

Full lips press on his, insistent.

"You said-"

"No more talking, Dean. We have much left to explore."

 

They roll into the motel parking lot at eleven p.m., which is early enough for them but it's been a long day of driving and research, and with what promises to be an exhausting hunt coming up, they all crave a good night sleep.

Dean doesn't think about it when they walk up to the head desk, fidgeting with his phone that keeps turning off for no reason. His head only snaps up when the front lady asks them how many rooms and Castiel replies "two singles."

"What? No, one twin, why would we-"

"Two singles is perfect," Sam replies, looking pointedly at Dean.

"Since when do we need two singles?" Dean snaps. "Cas doesn't sleep-"

"Dean," Cas frowns, stepping up way too close to him, "If we only take one bedroom with two beds, we cannot have sex. You're way too loud and it wouldn't be ethical in front of your brother."

A deafening silence follows his words. The front desk lady pointedly ignores them, typing up nonsense on her computer. Sam speaks very loud.

"It will be TWO SINGLES please. Thank you."

Dean steps out, walks out, stomps out, gravel crunching under his feet, lungs burning. He feels like he's about to throw up. Castiel follows him.

"Dean..."

Dean swings around when he reaches his car.

"Seriously? Right now?"

Castiel gives him a squinty, confused look. Mist comes out of Dean's mouth when he speaks. It's too cold and too humid to be standing here, to be having any kind of conversation. To exist.

"You decided to fucking  _out_  me - us - to my brother - to the whole fucking world - tonight, like this, right here?"

"I didn't-" Castiel somehow manages to squint even more at Dean. "Sam knows about us, Dean. I thought you knew that."

"He wasn't the only one there. And no, no, he doesn't. Unless you told him. Did you?"

"No. But the walls of the bunker are not that thin. Did you really think he could not hear us?"

"I-"

Yes. Yes, maybe Dean did think that the bunker's magic somehow also applied to making the rooms soundproof enough they'd be able to have really...  _really_ , loud sex. Sam's room isn't exactly next door anyway. It's feet and feet of reinforced magical concrete. That's gotta count for something, right?

"Did you really think he bought your explanation of plugging both the toaster and the Vitamix into the same outlet as to what caused all the lights to blow out and the bunker to be without power for three days?"

"He couldn't - he couldn't know it was -"

"Your brother is a very talented hunter," Cas states, ridiculously calm. "The fact that I am not at the library table every night, but instead am quite often screaming your name in ecstasy and blowing all the lights out, have probably clued him to what we are doing."

Dean stares at Cas' stupid stubborn baby face. It's so easy for him. So evident, so - so matter-of-fact. Facts are facts and things are things, it's logical and it all makes sense. Of course. It's easy. Because he doesn't want, and he doesn't crave, and he doesn't feel. 

"And the woman at the reception did not care that we were two "men" having a sexual relationship. She was made much more uncomfortable by your reaction than anything else."

Anyone else would have buried underground under Dean's glare, but Castiel doesn't budge. He simply tilts his head, trying to understand the anger coming out of Dean in waves.

"You had no right, Cas. Whatever you think he knows, whatever you think they feel - you had no right."

Dean slams the door of his car in Castiel's face and drives away, rocks and pebbles rippling under his tires. He can see Cas standing there, getting smaller and smaller in his rearview mirror.

 

"Dean is gone. He's angry at me," Castiel says, joining Sam in his room without knocking.

He grabs a beer in the fridge, knowing full well it won't affect him, but having acquired a taste for those peculiar molecule. He likes the bitterness, too. The strange effervescence of the bubbles on his tongue and down his throat. Also, it reminds him of Dean, and of times they've shared together.

He sits on the bed next to Sam, who is watching a comedy cop show while skimming through notes on the case.

"Apparently, I was not supposed to tell you what you already knew."

Sam closes the case file and gives Cas a small, knowing smile.

"He didn't know that I knew. Not... officially, anyway."

"I didn't know that. And does it matter?"

"Yeah, it does, Cas."

"Did he want to make official announcements? It's not like we're getting married. Or we're pregnant. I know those are occasions when humans often feel the need to make official announcements to family, but-"

"Dean hasn't... come out to me," Sam explains, crossing his fingers on his lap.

"Come out?"

"Told me he wasn't straight."

Cas looks at Sam with furrowed brows for several more seconds until he understands. "Oh. This is about sex."

"Yeah. Well, sexual orientation."

"Oh." Castiel's face finally breaks into understanding. He nods. "I'm in a male vessel. This makes our relationship... gay."

Sam bites his lips, trying to keep a neutral expression.

"Sure. Something like that. And people who - who aren't heterosexuals, in the world, as it is these days, usually come out. It's a process. Especially people like Dean. With a past like... like that."

"What do you mean? Dean has been with men before. It's quite obvious when we-"

Sam raises his hands. "Cas. You can't say stuff like that to me. Dean hasn't come out to me and you can't do that for him. It's... it's his thing to do."

"But he never came out to me."

"No, but - look, I don't know how you guys - how it _happened_ , but, him being with you, and you knowing about it, is pretty much... coming out. To you. But he hasn't told anyone else. I mean, he's never told me about any guy or any... anyone else, besides girls. It's not easy for him, Cas, it's not easy for anyone who isn't heteronormative or cisgender."

"I don't know those terms."

"It just means - people who don't fit society's... you know. Concepts, of men and women and the ideal... one-mom-one-dad family model."

"There are homosexuality, and even transgenderism, in hundreds of animal species in the wild," Cas frowns. "Humans are actually the only specie that discriminates based on sexual orientation. Or gender fluctuation. I find it baffling that humanity label those as abnormal when for a human, being heterosexual and fitting those... "models" perfectly is actually what is most unnatural."

Millennia on Earth and Cas still can't comprehend why humans discriminate based on such trivial aspects of their lives, that have virtually no impact unless they give them some. Sexual and gender variations are so fucking ordinary that Cas often forgets humans have succeeded in creating gigantic issues around them.

"Yeah, well. Dean's not there yet."

Cas sighs. "I see. I will try to be more delicate in the future, then."

 

Dean doesn't look at Cas when he walks back onto their room, at halfway past one a.m. He doesn't either when he gets out of the shower. He slides in the bed, tucked on his side and away from him.

Cas lays on his back. He doesn't sleep but he likes being next to Dean. He likes feeling the heat of his body close by. He likes listening to him breathe. He likes the way his body dips the mattress down, he likes feeling like his own body is being pulled towards Dean’s, like Dean is a star and Cas is a tiny planet in its orbit, pulled in closer and closer by its weight in the universe. Dean has always shone bright like the sun, so it's fitting.

Cas likes laying with his nose brushing on Dean's skin, so he can inhale his scent with each breath.

He doesn't feel like it's okay to do that now, though. Dean is being very cold and distant. He's obviously still angry.

"I'm sorry."

Dean doesn't answer.

"I shouldn't have... outed, you. It wasn't right. I'm sorry I was blind to your struggle as a member of the LGBTQI2SNBA+ community."

Dean turns to stare at Cas. "What in the goddamn Hell is that?"

"It's your community. The gay community."

"I'm not - Jesus, Cas. I'm not gay. I'm-" Dean huffs and turns away from him again.

"I was using gay as an umbrella term. There are many, many identities in the LGBTQI2SN-"

"Please don't say that again."

Cas sighs. Dean can be so stubborn sometimes. Good thing he's used to it.

"I'm trying to be inclusive. You don't have to choose a label, Dean. And maybe there isn't one, since I'm not technically human.”

Dean lets out a indignant sound.

“Maybe you'd actually be considered a furry, since I-"

Dean sits up so fast the bed creaks and bangs against the wall. He's staring at Cas with wide, crazy eyes.

"Excuse me?"

"Or is the current preferred term "monsterfucker"? Seems very popular on the internet."

"If you don't shut the fuck up right now, it's gonna be  _dead_  monster fucker."

There's a beat, during which they stare at each other. A slow smile curls on Cas' lips.

"Okay, that didn't come out right."

Cas laughs, tension rolling off his shoulders.

Dean slumps back against the bedspread. He's facing the ceiling again, and his body seems less stiff. He looks at Cas and rubs his palm on his face.

"So I gather you talked to Sam, even though I asked you not to?"

"He's my only friend," Cas points out.

"Yeah, I guess," Dean concedes. "Is he the one who introduced you to furries? I knew he was a sick sonofabitch."

"No. He simply made me understand what I had done wrong. I hadn't really realized that... it was different, for you. With my body."

"It..." Dean sighs. "It's not." His fingers brush against Cas' over the covers. "I mean, not  _that_  different. It's happened before. Just don't like to talk about it."

"I figured as much."

Dean frowns. "You did?"

Castiel smiles and laces their fingers together. Dean doesn't pull away. "It was pretty evident the first few times we... we were intimate. You knew what you were doing."

"That a good thing, or..."

"Yes. At least one of us wasn't completely clueless."

"You weren't clueless," Dean murmurs. "You're very..." he bites his lip. His gaze has changed. It's softer, warmer. "Very good."

"Thank you."

He moves, shift, until he's closer to Dean. Until he can feel his warmth again.

"Why don't you like to talk about it?"

Dean sighs, but lets his cheek rest on the top of Cas' head anyway. His thumb is brushing over their laced fingers. 

"'Cause there wasn't much to talk about."

"From my research, most people who are not heterosexual or cisgender seem to think it is a big part of their life. And something to be celebrated."

"There was never anything to fucking celebrate, Cas. I - this wasn't something I was supposed to-"

Cas feels him closing his eyes, closing himself. Taking a deep breath, he seems to release some tension. His other hand finds Cas' arm, stretched over his chest.

"I'm a hunter. A guy's guy. Was raised like a fucking soldier. Went to shitty public schools where  _gay_  was the lowest - it was thrown around like a dirty, disgusting word, and I - I never even thought I could ever-" 

He speaks lower now, lips pressed against Cas' forehead. 

"First few times it happened I blamed it on alcohol. Experimenting. Not knowing what the fuck I was doing. Didn't matter anyway. I was used to not fucking caring and t'was easy to just push it down. T'was like that for a really long time, even when it - it happened, sometimes, and I wasn't drunk, and I had no fucking excuse except I couldn't fucking help myself. But it didn't matter, the world was always fucking ending so who cared, right? I didn't know their name and I didn't  _care_ , I just-"

Cas drops a kiss on Dean's shoulder, moves tighter against him.

"And then there was you, and I felt - I put it on you being a multi-wavelength of celestial energy, I mean, you weren't really a guy anyway, and I never thought you'd ever - so it didn't matter, either."

Cas raises his head until he can look at Dean. It takes him a minute to gather the courage, it seems, but finally green falls into blue.

"How about now? Does it matter?"

"Yeah. I think so. I mean - I'm not ashamed of being with you, Cas. Of what I feel for you. And I wouldn't care whatever meatsuit you'd be in. 'Cause you're you. And apparently I like both, or, all of them, or whatever."

Cas smiles and leans over, just to press a very short, very gentle kiss on Dean's lips.

"Was I really the only thing that changed your ways?"

Dean shrugs. He worries his lower lip for a moment before answering.

"We met a couple, few years back. Husbands. They were... hunters. Like, real... Real hunters. Burly dudes. Good guys. And I dunno. I mean, s'not like I didn't know guys could like dick and be - I  _knew_ that. But seeing them, what they had, not just - not just being dudes but their relationship, too. I don't know. Felt like it opened a door I'd always kept carefully closed, y'know."

Cas draws circles on Dean's stomach with his fingers for a long moment.

He likes being like this, all wrapped around each other, nuzzled against Dean's skin. He likes feeling the low thrumming of Dean's blood in his veins, hearing his heart pound against his ear. He likes the taste of Dean's skin, it's one of the only things he can actually  _taste_. Maybe because he rebuilt him. His own atoms have touched Dean's before and it remembers them. 

He likes listening to Dean's breathing slowly slip into something slower, deeper, as he falls asleep.

 

"Wanna...?"

Dean's fingers are warm around Cas' hips, where they snuck under his shirt, and his lips are shiny and swollen from having been kissed and nipped on. 

"If you want," Cas shrugs. 

Dean sighs. Deflates. 

"I'm asking if  _you_ want to."

"I don't mind."

"That's not- damn it, Cas."

Dean turns on his back, away from where they were embracing each other. 

"I didn't say no," Cas frowns. Dean seems frustrated, which is the exact opposite of the reaction he was aiming for. He shimmers closer, placing soft kisses on a trail down Dean's neck. "If you want, we-"

"It doesn't work like that."

Cas pulls back. Dean seems hurt.

"But you asked."

Dean glares at him. "I asked because I'm not gonna have sex with you if you don't want to. And  _I don't mind_  isn't the same as _yes, I do_."

Cas meditates on that answer.

"Jesus, Cas. How many times did we have sex and you didn't actually want to?"

"None," Cas replies, very honestly.

He always enjoys have sex with Dean. The intimacy brings him pleasure, as well as all seeing how good he can make Dean feel. It's rewarding, and agreeable.

Dean's anger melts into confusion.

"I'm still trying to understand, Cas. I want to. But I-"

There's a sadness in Dean's eyes that shouldn't be there. 

"I always want to be with you."

"But you don't -  _want_ \- sex. You don't want me, not like-"

It feels like they've already had this conversation, but since it bothers Dean so much, and hurts him, Cas wants to try to explain it again. Better.

"I do have sexual feelings for you. I think. It's very hard for me to know because I have nothing else to compare them to. I've never felt those before, and they don't seem to be the same you have."

He attempts a smile, but Dean's still frowning.

"All I know is that I like touching you. And I like you touching me. It's physically very pleasant. And I very much enjoy when we bring each other to orgasm. It makes me feel close to you, and bringing you pleasure is something that-"

Cas can feel the heart inside of his vessel beating faster.

"I had no idea that anything could feel like this." His fingers touch Dean's face, stroking his cheek, the sharp line of his jaw. "But it has little to do with sex itself, I think, and all to do with my feelings for you. I've never felt this way before for anyone, or anything. I enjoy doing things with you that I wouldn't enjoy doing with anyone else, because I don't feel the same way about them."

Dean nods, slowly. "Okay. I mean, makes sense. I don't wanna have sex with anyone else either."

"But you would. You could, and you might enjoy it. Because you find other humans attractive. Sexually."

"Yeah, but-"

"I don't enjoy having sex with you because of how you look. While I do find your breathtakingly beautiful, it's a very different thing than sexual attraction."

"I - I get that, Cas. Kind of. It wouldn't matter to me what vessel you'd be in either, but-"

"But you  _are_ attracted to my vessel. Sexually."

"I - Yeah. I guess."

Back to the confusion.

"So you're not attracted to me? At all?"

Cas shrugs. "I think I am, somewhat, but mostly because I have memories of the pleasure we bring each other, and because I look forward to sharing intimacy and pleasant moments with you. But it doesn't feel that different from bringing you pleasure in other ways. I like kissing you, holding you, standing by you. Being with you, whatever we're doing."

"I like that stuff too, Cas," Dean frowns.

"I don't mind being aroused and it not leading anywhere. And I can easily be with you without desiring sexual intercourse. I could probably go without it for a long time without feeling like anything is missing."

Dean nods, slowly.

"Okay," he says. His features have hardened but his voice is sincere. "Okay. Then we don't have to do it, Cas. Ever."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to have sex if you don't really want to! And yeah, I like sex, but I like _you_ a whole lot more."

"I think you misunderstood me. I _want_ to have sex with you. Maybe not the same... way, and maybe not all the time, but I do. The orgasms I reach when you touch me are of a strength I have never experienced before. And giving you pleasure is... quite addictive."

"Okay," Dean tries again. "But you know that sex isn't why I-" Dean closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath. "Why I love you, right?"

A slow smile creeps on Castiel's lips. 

"You love me?"

Dean huffs and shoves him. Gently. Cas strokes his face. Looks at him with wonder.

"You'd never said those words to me before."

Dean rolls his eyes. "S'not like you didn't know."

"True, but still. It's very nice to hear."

Dean huffs at him.

"You never told _me_."

"I have," Cas frowns. "Twice. At least."

Dean searches in his eyes for what he means.

" _That_ didn't count. Both times you included other people in the definition of love. Doesn't count, Cas."

Cas laughs. "We both know what I truly meant, though."

"Well, you're a coward. Because I said it first."

Cas sighs. Leans over. Kisses him. His lips are soft, they part, letting Cas in.

"I love you too, Dean." 

 

"I like this too, y'know."

Cas stirs slightly against Dean's chest. He doesn't sleep, but when things are calm enough, he reaches a state of profound peacefulness and happiness that is akin to deep meditation. It's the case right now, curled up against Dean, nose against the soft fabric of his t-shirt, embraced by his arms and lulled by the slow rhythm of his chest moving up and down. Cas is barely conscious of the world around him, so it takes him a moment to realize that Dean has spoken, softly, into his hair.

"What?"

"I like this. I like... I like just being with you. Cuddling. Talking. Kissing. I like it. A lot."

"Good," Cas mumbles.

"Not, um. Not a lotta people been into me for anything besides sex, so. It's kinda nice."

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. I'm immortal, so you  _are_ stuck with me for the rest of your life."

Dean laughs. It reverberates into Cas, it shakes his entire body, he feels the deep rumble of it in his human bones. He likes it a lot. Dean's laugh is one of the best things about him.

"Believe me, I'm ready," Dean says, and he wraps his arms tighter around Cas. "I'm so fucking ready."

 

"Sonofabitch!"

Dean hits the breaks and blasts the horn. The tires screech. They stop in a halt.

"For fuck's sake, are you kidding me?"

Castiel sighs.

The pishtaco they were chasing has just jumped out of his car and disappeared into the colourful crowd. It's useless to chase him. The mass of people is dense, large, loud, taking up the whole length of the street. He could go anywhere from here.

"What the fuck is this?" Dean rages, stepping out of the Impala and slamming the door. "This is why I _hate_ big cities. Always tons of people half naked in the streets blocking everything and letting freaking murderers go loose. And what's with all the goddamn rainbows? What do they have to be so goddamn happy about all the time, living in polluted air and commuting two hours to work every morning?"

"It's Pride, Dean," Castiel sighs.

"What?"

"It's Pride. The Gay Pride Parade. That's why there are so many rainbows and naked people."

"Oh."

Cas expects Dean to grumble, get back in the car, and for them to drive back to the motel in silence. This case has been going from bad to worse, the coffee machine at the motel was broken so Dean's been in a mood all day and this is the cherry on top.

But instead of Dean beckoning him back to the car, Cas looks down to find Dean’s fingers sliding in the space between his own, tugging a little towards the crowd.

“Wanna take a look?”

His eyes have a spark in them, his features are relaxed. He even smiles tentatively. How can Cas say no?

“Of course, but - are you sure?”

Dean shrugs. “Yeah. I can text Sam, see if he can track the pishtaco down again. It's useless for us to try to chase him right now, so... we got some time to kill.”

 

People seem happy, Castiel thinks. They’re smiling, grinning, laughing, singing. They’re wearing colourful clothings, scarves, and skirts; rainbows adorn most of the outfits. They’re dancing, kissing, and chatting in a pleasant buzz around them.

The street smells like thousands of molecules, fried foods and beer and hundreds of body odours, but Cas doesn’t dislike it. Dean’s thumb brushes over their linked fingers.

No one stares at them, besides some appreciative looks, which Cas understands. Dean is so beautiful, it's magnetic. Most of the time, Cas can't tear his eyes away either.

A large banner announces that the parade starts in an hour. In the meantime, Dean and Cas walk around the booths and stands that have been put up for the day. People hand them flyers for different LGBTQI2SNBA+ organizations and charities. Colourful flags hang and flap in the wind around them. Cas looks down in curiosity at hundreds of buttons, like _move I’m gay_ and  _I didn't choose to be gay, I just got lucky_.

Dean points out different jewelry. He hands Cas two earrings, little angel wings.

“You’d look cute in these.”

His eyes are shining. His arm slips around Cas’ waist as they keep strolling through the fair. His fingers dip under Cas’ shirt, tasting the small strip of exposed skin above his waistband.

Cas understands why people are smiling here.

One of the biggest booths is adorned by at _least_  fifteen different flags. Dean squints as he looks up at them.

“What the Hell are all these for?”

Cas tries to remember the little bit of research he did on the internet. “This one is the lesbian flag. That one, the transgender flag. This one is the bisexual flag. This one, I think, is pansexual, although I’m not sure yet what the difference between those two is. I think these  have to do with gender fluidity.”

There are still many that Castiel doesn’t recognize. They move under the awning, to find a large table covered in flyers, each describing a flag and the identity appointed to it.

“Guess I’d be one of those,” Dean frowns, pointing at the flyers describing _polysexual_ ,  _bisexual_ , and  _pansexual_. “I mean, you technically don’t have a gender, and I never really cared about that stuff anyway.”

Cas smiles. Dean squints at him. “If I hear the word _monsterfucker_ again, I’m leaving you. Forever.”

"Actually, I think the technical term is _teratophilia_." 

Cas pecks his lips before Dean can reply, and moves on to the side with a last press to his fingers. There are a bunch of t-shirts, and he wonders if Dean would like to wear one. His mood has drastically changed, so maybe Cas could convince him to wear the one that just says  _honey_ across the chest. It’s definitely too tight for him, and would probably be considered a “crop top”, but Cas is dying to see Dean in it.

There’s also a  _make your own t-shirt_ option.

“Hey, babe, c’mere.”

Cas finds Dean waving him back towards the pamphlets and smiles at the nickname. It’s the first time Dean uses it in public.

Dean is holding a paper with a black, grey, white, and purple flag on it.

“Sounds like you,” Dean simply says before handing it to him to Cas can read it.

“Mh,” Cas says, after a moment. “I suppose it does.”

Dean smiles encouragingly, his arm sliding back around his waist as he places a soft kiss on his temple. “I think I fall somewhere in the grey asexuality spectrum. Demisexual, maybe. I do experience some sexual attraction, but it _is_ very secondary and only comes with very strong emotional attachment.”

“Very strong emotional attachment, uh?” Dean teases.

Cas rolls his eyes. “I think we’ve already established how I feel about you, Dean.”

“Yeah, but doesn’t hurt to say it once in a while.”

Cas scoffs. “I tell you every night before you go to sleep, and every morning when you wake up.”

“Yeah but the words just sound so nice in your voice.”

Dean’s cheeks are a little bit red now, and Cas presses his grin on them. He feels lighter than he has in a long time.

“C’mon, let’s get you a flag.”

Dean tugs Cas towards a selling table, and buys him a gigantic ace flags that he wraps around his shoulders like a cape. Cas lets him. Asexuality does seem to fit how he feels, and he knows that Dean is doing this to show him that he’s okay, that he loves him, exactly the way he is, with all that he is, all that his strange, angelic, non-human identity encompasses.

Cas feels very warm inside.

Dean refuses the crop top until they make a deal; Cas will wear a t-shirt that says _I’m utterly indifferent to sexual orientation_ (Dean’s choice), and Dean wears the honey shirt but wraps his flannel around his stomach to hide it.He rolls his eyes and blushes when Cas kisses him and tells him he’s cute.

The sirens announce the beginning of the parade. Dean grabs Cas’ hand, nods towards the crowd that begins to move with a questioning but hopeful look.

They get lost into the gigantic crowd, swayed along the streets to the sound of chants and music and hope and laughter.

It suits Dean well, Cas thinks, to be happy. He ought to be more often.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr [here (writing blog)](http://casbeanwrites.tumblr.com/) or [here](http://casbean.tumblr.com/) :)


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